I guess it's been awhile since I blogged. Sorry about the delay. We had a week of tests, praying, and clarity. That's just what we needed. In the end, the sac stopped growing, we were still unable to see our baby, my HCGs started leveling out and then dropping, and the sac collapsed within my uterus which I guess means a miscarriage is pending. We had been praying that before we moved forward with a D & C that God would give us absolute clarity on whether the baby still had any chance of being alive. By the end of the week, we had that clarity and the assurance that this little life was no longer with us. Instead, he or she is safe back in the arms of our Lord.
So, today we had the D & C. It's funny, I typed "we" though I was the one physically having the surgery. But how great a gift to really feel that Adam and I walked through this together with the Lord and that it was "we" that journeyed through this together. What a rock Adam has been and an encourager during this time! I know that I always adore my husband, but it is amazing during times like this, you just get a glimpse at how tender and special a marriage relationship can be. And, at the only point that Adam wasn't allowed with me (in the operating room), God provided this incredible nurse that held my hand and shared she'd been in the same spot before. An empathetic heart is such a gift, and I cannot say enough how much I appreciate those in the health profession. What an incredible calling!!
As I was going under anesthesia this morning, all I last remember is saying quietly to myself, "My God is my refuge and strength; an ever present help in times of trouble." Then my nurse saying, "Say it out loud!" So, I loved just falling asleep feeling so aware of the Lord's presence and peace. Next thing I knew, I was up, looking into Adam's loving eyes, now on the side of beginning to heal and move on.
I guess when I started this blog, I was hoping to allow others to share in a miracle of a life saved and glorify God through that. While, the miracle wasn't what we anticipated or hoped for, we do know this is God's best for us and are so thankful for all that He is teaching us through it. Throughout this journey, there have of course been questions, doubts, concerns, and tears. My dear friend asked me the other night, "So, what have you learned through this, Kristin?" (I am so grateful for so many amazing friends and family that have encouraged and challenged me during this!! THANK YOU!!) As I reflected on this myself and with Adam, the sweetness of brokenness became known to me as I thought about how the Lord has stretched me, humbled me, challenged me, and held me during this time. What I've learned is probably too long and too wordy to write here, but I'm always up for a cup of coffee and a long chat. :) All I can say, though, is how GREAT a God we have to be able to feel so loved and so at peace no matter what it is He brings into our lives. He gives us what we need when we need it. Though this trial is minor in comparison to what so many of you and others are facing, I am thankful for the refining process and a patient God walking alongside us, sometimes seen, sometimes not, but always there. ;) Thanks for your prayers during this journey. They have been felt and answered more than you'll ever know!
