As I was getting ready for my ultrasound on Thursday, I glanced up and saw this beautiful picture posted in front of me. The words on the sign are what I titled this post, "Every day is a possibility for a miracle". I'd never noticed it before. It gave me just enough courage for the next few moments, as it made me stop focusing on the circumstances and begin focusing on my Father once more. It's funny; all week, I'd felt such a peace, and yet on Thursday, I really had to keep scrambling back into the Lord's presence in order to calm my heart as I was preparing myself to listen to whatever they found at the appointment. I somehow forgot that "God's grace is sufficient for me!" In the moment, I was fine, His grace being sufficient for the moment, yet again reminded that no matter what, all would be well, because I know who holds my hand. And, I have to admit I was also greatly encouraged by Adam holding my hand physically that day as well, since he took off of work to be there with me. :)
As far as the results, basically, it was just to wait some more. I had to laugh. I already knew that was something God wanted me to learn, so I shouldn't have been surprised that I heard him say, "Wait and learn to trust me more!"
My blood test results looked terrific. On the ultrasound, they found a gestational sac, but no yolk or heart beat. They still don't want me to think it's for sure a go yet, but they don't want me to give up yet either. So, to me that means, just wait. Basically, it could mean a couple things: 1. For whatever reason, the little one didn't really develop for a few days (during that blip in my levels) and then took off...this would just put me a week behind, so we're praying this week to see the yolk and a heartbeat. 2. It could be a blighted ovum, where the baby just stops developing and doesn't show up on the ultrasound. We're still praying our preference for #1! We'll find out more again next Thursday. For most of my life, I've professed a faith in Christ. Yet, over the past few weeks, months, years, I'm beginning to ask myself if I TRULY, truly believe that God can and will work and answer prayers in our individual lives. The answer I've arrived at is YES! I just need to keep reminding myself this as I pray. I'm not just praying to an invisible God that hears me but may not do anything about it. We're praying to the God of the universe that is living and active in our lives today. His answers haven't always been yes, but I know He does answer, and I know He does do what is best!
Over the last couple days, I thought on that picture I saw on the wall of the specialist's office about miracles. I suppose miracles aren't necessarily always what we think they should be either. So, my prayer is that I would see God's miracles and hand at work in my life DAILY, not just in the results of all this. How often do I zoom through the day and forget to notice? I've been reading One Thousand Gifts, and I am seeing how important it is to thank God every day for all the little things, even gifts of the heart as we experience His presence more and more.
At first, as I approached another week of waiting, I thought, "Man, this could get exhausting!" But I suppose if we fix our eyes on Him and on doing His will, whatever it is for each of us, then and only then, the waiting becomes a joy in finding out God's plan for us, knowing it's good, no matter what!
"Teach me to do your will, for you are my God;
may your good Spirit lead me on level ground."
~Psalm 143: 10
